Friday, April 1, 2011

Important News Update for Bostonians

April 1st:

A giant lobster has been spotted emerging from the Charles River just north of central Boston. The creature - rumored to have been disturbed by ongoing construction at Science Park - climbed onto the BU Beach at around 9:30 am this morning.

After sunning itself for a few minutes in the rain, the two-hundred-foot arthropod ambled up Storrow Drive then onto the Route 1 ramps. It snapped several cables on the Leonard P. Zakim Bunker Hill Bridge with its bus-sized claws, then apparently began to take a nap on top of the 10-lane highway, which carries Interstate 93 over the Charles.

Reports that the lobster is plucking outbound commuter trains off their rails are unconfirmed; however, it does not appear that the monster is disrupting traffic. Current reports indicate delays of just 5 minutes between Charlestown and the I-90 interchange. Despite the need to avoid the giant tail and ten silo-sized legs, the two remaining lanes of the bridge are "no worse than the old Central Artery," according to commuter Charlie Onmta.

Orders to kill the lobster with a missile strike are on hold pending a City Council vote on whether to make a hot or cold lobster roll from the remains.

(Image of lobster borrowed from Google Maps)

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